nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
