when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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