Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
