I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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