I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
