I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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