Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
