So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
