i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
