he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
