I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
