I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
