Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
