Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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