the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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