There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
