I can text with my tongue
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
