i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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