My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
