addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
