I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
