Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
