So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
