Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
