Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
