I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
