so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
