I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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