Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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