I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
