I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
