So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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