So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
