guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
she looked like the before picture.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
