So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
