you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
