Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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