I'd wear matching sweaters with you
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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