So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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