im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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