But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
