i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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