On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
