Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
