Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
