Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
