CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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