If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
