"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
