im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
